Day 3: Yesterday we kept stuff in, so today let’s clear stuff out. What is in your diabetic closet that needs to be cleaned out? This can be an actual physical belonging, or it can be something you’re mentally or emotionally hanging on to. Why are you keeping it and why do you need to get rid of it? (Thank you Rick of RA Diabetes for this topic suggestion.)
My diabetes closet looks pretty neat when you first look in but if you move a few things out of the way, you see all the junk I have hidden in the back. Physically I need to get rid of a bin of sites with short tubing that my daughter has outgrown (and are now expired – even though I don’t really understand how such a thing can expire), test strips that are 2 years out of date, and so many empty boxes from all the various meters, pumps, pods, etc. we’ve received over the years. I keep all those d*mn boxes because of years of training that I have to have the “original packaging” just in case I need to return something — this despite the fact that the diabetes companies always send packaging when I need to return something. I have the other stuff because I saved it “just in case” and then forgot it was even there.
I could leave it there, but of course there is also some non-physical stuff cluttering up my diabetes closet. The thing I could most stand to get rid of is my perfectionist/control freak leanings that make me feel that low blood sugar readings are “better” than high readings — leading to hypoglycemic unawareness and some unhealthy decisions. It’s something I’ve tried to “clean” out before, but it is rooted in my personality, my diagnosis story, and can’t be gotten rid of easily. I had an appointment today with my endo and I’ve gotten my percentage of lows according to CGM down to 14% from about 30% — hooray! Of course, being below 70 14% of the time is still not great. Especially when I’m below 50 about 6% of the time.
Even though this is only my third time in this endo office, they already know how resistant I can get to backing off of my “control.” All changes to settings that will be less aggressive are introduced carefully, with care taken to show me just how small the changes really are. 😀 Maybe because this is a new office for me, I can see that their approach signifies how inflexible I have become about this. I keep saying that I know I need to reduce the number of lows that I have, but I resist most suggestions of ways to do that.
Today, at the appointment, I think I surprised myself and the doc by accepting her suggestions and even making one of my own. My daytime insulin to carb ratios have backed off and I lowered my basal rate from 6:30 pm to midnight. Changed my correction factor (Omnipod speak… I think it is called “sensitivity” with some other pumps) to be less aggressive as well. That many changes, all in the same direction, is unheard of in my history. But, I took a deep breath and said, “I can live with that.” I will need to do a better job of pre-bolusing earlier before eating and pulling data off of devices to be sure I’m not overracting to high numbers that aren’t really a pattern or a result of the changes. We’ll see how it goes. Wish me luck.