Let’s face it… I knew that this appointment at the endo’s office wasn’t going to be the best ever. My exercise routine went from 3 times/week to once every 2 weeks, I’ve been up a bunch of nights doing basal testing on the Bear, and I’ve been seriously WAG*ing boluses and corrections for myself. I’ve been waking up higher than usual and suspected that was reflecting out of range numbers overnight — at least that seemed to be the case when I glanced at my own CGM in the middle of the night when up testing the Bear.
A couple of weeks ago, amidst all of the meal planning/preparation – too hot to run – sleep deprivation/basal testing – guessed corrections that (surprise!) never seemed to work, I had the thought that I only seemed to have enough energy/bandwidth to manage one person’s diabetes. I suppose that would be ok if there weren’t two of us in this family living with T1.
We’ve really been concentrating on the Bear’s blood sugars and nutrition over the past few months. I’m feeling pretty good about the food/diet changes we’ve been making at home but there’s no doubt that we’re also spending a lot more time on planning, preparing, and getting the Bear to eat or try new things. Then, we went on vacation and the Bear’s blood sugars went crazy and it wasn’t just vacation-eating that was doing it. Days of 300 + bgs and corrections weren’t touching it. When we got home, time uploading data, figuring out changes, then all of the follow-up testing to see if the changes made were going to be too much, not enough… We probably still have a bit of tweaking to do, but things are much better.
Much better with her blood sugar averages… not mine. I went to the endo office today and my A1c came back at a number** I haven’t seen in years. I was expecting it to be higher than in March, but not higher by this much. Immediately: disappointment, frustration, sadness, exhaustion. The four horsemen of diabetes.
I fessed up to my lousy exercise performance (but I know that isn’t the whole story) and my lack of attention to my own diabetes. My endo countered with the likelihood that the drop in exercise was more of a factor than I was thinking and validated how hard it can be to manage diabetes times two. We went over all the data (which she is really good at) and as I expected I already know what I need to do. Attention must be paid***.
I need to get back into a good exercise routine too – for my health and my sanity. Of course that will make my blood sugars even more unpredictable for a while until the routine really gets set, but it’s necessary. I may know what I need to do, but I still don’t know how I’m going to do it. The time of day I used to run regularly has been completely taken over by dinner. The few times I have gotten out have meant scrapping my best-laid plans for dinner. There just aren’t enough hours in the day sometimes.
Still, I can set some goals and do my best to achieve some more consistency with better habits:
Test more often – and especially run corrections through the PDM
Work at getting bedtime bg numbers into a good range so I don’t spend 8 hours + out of range/high
Plan meals (dinner) around a few scheduled runs during the week so that I can get out and exercise while still maintaining the nutrition goals for the Bear
Track food/eating for a while to force more thoughtful carb counting and eating (ie: back to MyFitnessPal)
Luckily the BHE is (as usual) very understanding and happy to help out however needed. And, in just over week the Bear goes off to D-camp (woo-hoo!) so I’ll get almost a week of only managing my own diabetes. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve done this “starting over” thing — setting “new” goals, buckling down, re-focusing. And, I’m only 15 years in… I know that lots of people have done this for 30 years, 40, 50. Chronic is one of those things that is only understood, or truly felt, through experience.
Hey… wish me luck!
*Like SWAG (Scientific Wild Assed Guess) for carbs but without the scientific part…
**I usually don’t share specific numbers since everyone is different and my point is only in comparison with myself and in relation to my own goals – not as a comparison to anyone else.
***apologies to Arthur Miller.