It seems like most bloggers do this kind of post at least once a year… “I haven’t posted here in a while…” “Here’s why this blog has been so quiet.” My turn.
The strange thing is that I’m always thinking of topics I want to blog about — or at least thinking while something is going on: “this would make a good post.” But, that’s never the time to actually write a post and I never seem to get back to it. Finally, I decided I would start with this post — try to lay out some of the things that keep getting in my way — and hope that helps me get back to writing.
Why I Haven’t Been Posting:
Time – like most people I know, I never feel like there are enough hours in the day for everything I want to do. Managing my own and the Bear’s diabetes, adjusting to uncertain scheduling with the BHE’s job change, getting my mom (sandwich generation!!) to appointments, managing some tricky work situations, and figuring out side effects from the new medication I’m on (not to mention mental adjustments to a new diagnosis), haven’t left me much head space or free time to make blog posts. At the same time, I always feel like “too busy” is a really lame excuse. We make time for activities that are important to us… Maybe it’s more the head space that is an obstacle.
Attitude – I’m pretty sensitive to how I and others write about diabetes online. I’m not a fan of portrayals of diabetes as all misery and suffering and I’m also not a fan of “sugar”-coating everything. Sometimes, it seems like there’s no middle ground online. In trying to be “realistic” or honest about how we’re feeling on a particular day or about one situation, we might be criticized for being too negative or looking for pity or sympathy. But, to find a silver lining for every single part of diabetes or to only describe living with diabetes as a gift or a blessing really wouldn’t capture my experience. I have definitely been feeling like some of the posts I have thought about writing would seem like too much negativity or whining. Once my thinking starts down this path, I give up on the idea of writing.
Burnout – I’m sure this ties into my concerns that anything I have to say about diabetes right now would come across as negative. Much of the time, I am feeling done with diabetes. I haven’t been able to bring my A game to managing settings on my pump or on the Bear’s pump. We went to appointments for her today with CDE and Endo and I’ve been putting off dealing with various blood sugar issues myself in favor of letting them suggest some changes at this appointment. I’m being very reactive with my own diabetes management – never the most effective approach – and I’m starting to think I could be sliding back into hypoglycemic unawareness. It took a ton of work to get some awareness back so I’m angry with myself for backsliding, but not angry enough yet to do anything about it.
I hope that I’ll get around to posting more often, reading more of my favorite blogs, and get back to the #dsma twitter chats on Wednesday nights. I know that less communication about life with diabetes doesn’t help anyone – not me, not the Bear, not anyone who might be seeking a “me too” moment who might stumble on this blog.